


Oh No! The Vampiric Whole Foods Ascenion My Chemical Panic at the Christmas Parade

by Calicornia



Category: Naruto, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-02 19:58:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16311734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calicornia/pseuds/Calicornia





	Oh No! The Vampiric Whole Foods Ascenion My Chemical Panic at the Christmas Parade

Anasui

* * *

Anasui clapped. Weather Report clapped. Jolyne Clapped. But Hermes? She also clapped.

The sun rose, Jotaro rose. Jotaro's dick rose. Finally, he's learned what gets his dick hard. Fortnite? No. Fortnitehop? No. Twink Mangakas? No. Spaghetti? Yell fucking hes.

"HES!" Shouted Mohammad Avdol from afar, "I am!"

The shit? The bit. The slut? The butt. The mailman? The bailman. The Koichi? The Boichi....

* * *

"Mooooom?" Koichi koiched from the back of the SUV, he wasn't sitting in a chair. Rather, he was sitting on the seatbelt. "Why are we moving to Forks?"

"I have a new job working at the Fortnitehop." Mom ascension Koichi said. "Watch out for the vampires, they only care for one thing."

"What's that?" Koichi turned down his My Chemical Romance music.

"Turn down for what?"

Koichi refused to pry.

* * *

"Koichi somehow has to go to the Whole Foods and encounter his long lost brother, Markiplier." The fuck? The buck. The cuck? The truck. The suck? The Thanos car rolled along the highway, carrying Lighting McQueen in his pouch.

"Jotaro works at the Whole Foods!" Koichi had an epiphany, "He's been possessed by Whole Foods Ascension Bilbo Baggins!"

"Koichi." Mom Ascension Koichi said, "Have you been taking your medicine?"

"Ugh." Koichi made an angry post on Tumblr directed at J.K. Rowling, "Jacksepticeye is so pure." The vegan ice cream met with his lips.

The Thanos Car began to tailgate Mom Ascension Koichi.

"Feel the meat from the tangerine!"

"F e e l  t h e  m e a t  f r o m  t h e  t a n g e r i n e!"

* * *

 

"Get fucked." Gai Sensei got fucked up in the coochie dungeon. All his youth was lost, and he became like bread.

Sourdough Ascension Gai Sensei rose from the ashes. The yeast deep inside of him was churning.

"Thanos Car!" Sourdough Ascension Gai Sensei shouted, "Welcome to the Christmas Parade!"

He ascended once more.

He was now Christmas Parade Sourdough Ascension Gai Sensei.

"What if Lee goes through an emo phase?" Christmas Parade Sourdough Ascension Gai Sensei tossed the Thanos Car into the nth dimension, joining the bus in coitus. "Fall Out Panic at the My Chemical Ascension Rock Lee!"

The coochie quaked, the cake baked, and most importantly, Jotaro's ass shaked.

Markiplier arose from the Pumpkin Patch, in his hands was a battle axe and a Nintendo Switch controller. And a wiimote. And a Warioware. And a tortolini. And a scortolini.

"Heeeeeellooo everybody." Markiplier spat out spaghetti sauce. Vegan spaghetti sauce. Pannacotta Fugo will not stand for this. "I don't give a fuck."

* * *

 "I'll make a new Twitter!" Koichi koiched as he opened Twitter. Rock Lee looked over his shoulder. Being at the height of his emo phase, his vision was obscured by bangs bought at Hot Topic.

"Dysentery huh?" Rock Lee Leed. "Leedle leedle lee."

Rock Lee died of dysentery, creating Fall Out Panic at the My Chemical Ascension Rock Lee.

"I understand it now." Mista held Abacchio's Playstation 3 between his asscheeks."The Jar-Jar Binks Jar-Jar thinks."

* * *

 Anasui

 


End file.
